Episode 142: How To Ruin a Night Out: Three tips

May 23, 2022

Overcome Pornography: How to Ruin a Night Out - Three Tips


How much power do you give the random strangers in Las Vegas. 


On Friday we had tickets to see Jim Gaffigan in Las Vegas. 

I was looking forward to it.  Darcy was, too. 


Unfortunately, Jim got Covid and the show was canceled at the last minute.  


We didn’t find out until after we were down there and had dinner. 

So, we decided to catch another show.  


While I went to the bathroom Darcy and our friends picked Penn and Teller.  It was ok.  Kind of cool to see people that are famous.  


We went to dinner, we went shopping at Trader Joe’s because we don’t have one here in St George.  So, if you are listening and have any clout with the TJ’s people, please let us have one here. 


Then we went over to the Rio where the Penn and Teller show is.  We were about an hour early, so we decided to just hang out in the parking lot since none of us gamble and the inside of a casino is still a place where you can smoke in Las Vegas.  


Boy did we get a show before the show. 


To our surprise, we found that the Rio parking lot was the shuttle area for those going to an outdoor music event that features electronic dance music called Electric Daisy Carnival.  


From what I could tell this is a music festival where the women dress in their absolutely most revealing clothes and the men dress up in the same thing they would wear to go play basketball.  


This was an amazing opportunity for us to practice what we preach here on the podcast and that we help people work on and through in our membership and individual coaching. 


We would like to share our experience with you and a few tips on how you can thrive as individuals and couples when life offers you an experience like the one that we had on Friday. 


  1. Just because someone is showing their body, that doesn’t mean my partner is sexualizing it.  
    1. It was good to see the body objectively
    2. They were just moving across the stage
    3. It was a physical representation of letting something come into your mind and allowing it to move off on its own.  
    4. They came and then they went one after another.
    5. Really, objectively noticing but not sexualizing. 
    6. In the past,    would have been a lot more on high alert
    7. I wasn’t a zero on the calm level, but I wasn’t panicking. 
    8. It was so absurd that we could talk and joke about it rather than making it more than just what we were seeing. 
  2. Just because there is a nearly naked body, that doesn’t mean that it’s a problem. - 
    1. In the past I would have to pretend that I’m not seeing this. 
    2. I wouldn’t have been able to mention anything that I was seeing and I would not have been able relax at all. 
    3. It was a dishonest position inherently.
    4. Indicating that I was seeing it would have created greater tension
    5. But there would have been a lot of tension there already. 
    6. It would have been this fake moment. 
    7. Then I would have waited for the inevitable questions from Darcy
    8. “What were you looking at” “were you fantasizing about it” 
    9. Were you wishing I wasn’t there so you could just gawk? 
    10. Is that going to lead to something? 
  3. I don’t have to give my power and emotional energy to the random strangers 
    1. I wouldn’t have been able to be present, or enjoy myself, 
    2. There wouldn't have been laughing or joking
    3. This would have felt like a threat, almost like a life and death situation
    4. The way i don’t give away my power is by realizing, 
    5. I don’t have control over this and neither does my partner. 
    6. Also, realizing that this is legal,
    7. Other people find this ok, and I don’t have to be mad about that. 
    8. “Ok, alright, these people are dressed for the moment” and that’s ok 
    9. I wouldn’t have worn that. 
    10. It was asking, how much power do I want to give these strangers that are just walking across the stage of my life. 
    11. Not being a victim of the reality of the presence of others. 
    12. We wear able to joke 
    13. Instead of turning it into a big deal
    14. We pulled up before those people were there
    15. In years past we might have moved 
  4. I’m not going to allow myself to be in trouble for something that was out of my control - 
    1. In the past,   would have given my power to Darcy and the crowd and taken a one down, run away position.  
    2. Instead, I made comments and acknowledged what I was seeing because I was living my experience
    3. In past years, I would have put myself in a position where I would let Darcy guide the choices, and conversation while trying to manage my eyeballs. 
    4. Instead, I chose to manage myself, not letting what was going on for Darcy to become paramount to my own experience. 
    6. This is about maintaining equal status with my partner and not taking a one-down position
  5. Watch your own plate.  -  
    1. This is a dieting term, but I think it fits here. 
    2. This is intended for you to be clear about what emotions you are dealing with and not engaging in guessing or worrying about what issues, thoughts, or feelings your partner is dealing with. 
    3. A lot of the difficulty we see among couples is when one partner tries to anticipate and then manage the issues the other has.  
    4. Instead, be aware of what is happening for you. 
    5. Be willing to inspect the feelings you are having
  6. Have the hard conversation
    1. If you need to, feel free to ask. 
    2. Be willing to talk about your part. 
    3. You’ll need to be clear about what is going on in your mind and body. 
  7. Acknowledge your issues as yours, don’t make them about your partner -
    1. A lot of us want to say, “if only my partner would do x, then it would be better” 
    2. We had a client who text us recently and said that she had been just asking her partner to be honest with her.  
    3. After working through our group coaching, she said that he was now being honest, but that it was hard for her to accept what she was being told. 
    4. She believed that if her husband would just be honest, she would be able to be ok. 
    5. What she found was that when he was honest, doing the hard work of revealing himself to her, she was presented with some really difficult work herself. 

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